I’m actually still recovering from the amazing, enlightening, absolutely perfect experience of Bizarro Bootcamp.
I wrote a book in four days! It’s nearly twice the length of Rotten Little Animals. That’s some whirlwind writing. My shoulders will tell you so. My brain, too.
There will be a detailed report on the unique and mind-blowing time I spent in Portland with the Eraserhead Press crew. But for now I need to relax and let it all soak in. I learned more about writing, and specifically MY writing, in the first two days of bootcamp than I had in ten years of active practice.
Endless thanks from my heart go to Rose, Carlton, Jeff, Cameron, Jeremy, Mykle, Chrissy, Angie, and everyone else who had a part in my time there. It was definitely FUN.
I leave tomorrow for ten days. While I’m gone, will someone please feed the cat? And watch the dog’s dishes, too. Thank you! Zane will take care of the plants. (If you could just wrench the watering can out of his little hands now and then…)
I’ll have plenty to tell you about my adventures at the first ever Bizarro Bootcamp when I’m back, you can bet on it. Please don’t bet on it, though, because I’m telling you now that I’m going to do it, so betting against that would just be throwing your money away. Give it to a food bank or something, instead.
Have fun while I’m gone. No fighting! Well, just no unprovoked punching or kicking or mad Kung-Fu finger-flicking. You can be acerbic and provocative all you want. I’ll be back sometime on the sixth of June. Just have stuff cleaned up by then, and make sure your robot girl vanquishes the apocalyptic future dudes.
I have been very, very busy lately. I’ve been working at promoting my book, and writing smaller bits when I have a chance. I’ve had a few things published in the past couple of months, and I thought I’d make up a list for those of you who like reading the things I write–in case I’ve not talked enough about them already.
In March, Every Day Fiction published my story, What Name Do I Give Her?, a semi-autobiographical flash fiction experimental bit about crystal meth and a stripper I once knew oh so well. The New Flesh featured my flash story, Hunting J.K. I can’t tell you much about it without giving it all away, but it’s about time-travel and changing history.
Withersin came out with their new format in April, launching three magazines combined into one thick treat of terror and weirdness. My story, Sculpting, is inside. It’s a story about a talented little guy who meets a God. It’s also about spiders. That one you can’t find online.
In May I wrote up an article for Garrett Cook and Crew’s bad movie review blog, Dollar Bin Massacre. I tried to defend Battlefield Earth. Eric Mays interviewed me on his excellent new site, The Authors Speak. It’s one of my all-time favorite interviews. That site in general is a great place to go to learn the inside stuff on lots of great writers. Eric knows how to ask the right questions. A story of mine, The Skin of the Mountain, came out in Dark Recesses Magazine on Mother’s Day. It’s one of my personal favorites. I hope you like it, too. It’s about life-cycles and a bug apocalypse.
I also sold another of my favorite stories to an upcoming anthology called, Toe Tags II. Watch for announcements about that. It’s a story I wrote over fifteen years ago.
Bizarro Bootcamp is coming up soon. I’m pretty excited about that and I hope to tell you all a great deal more about it afterward, before I head to CryptiCon. I’m preparing for bootcamp by writing a story (finished last night) I hope to sell to an upcoming anthology and taking it as easy as possible for the next two weeks.
Bizarro Bootcamp? Yes. It starts on May 27th. I’ve already shaved my head.
There’s a lot of questions out there about Bizarro Bootcamp. I have TONS of questions about it myself. Every new recruit does, when faced with bootcamp. All they know of it is what they’ve heard from those who’ve gone before them. And since everyone’s experience is different, that’s not a lot to go by. The thing about this Bizarro Bootcamp is, I’ll be the first to go through it. I don’t even have stories of other people’s experiences. It’s a mystery.
But not a scary one.
Here’s what I know: I’ll be staying at the Bizarro Bunker for ten days. Well, for seven days, really, because… I’ll be doing a three-day writing marathon with Carlton Mellick III somewhere else. Yes. That means a new novella, written in the groundbreaking, mind-fucking style developed by Mr. Mellick. I can’t WAIT!
There’s a handbook for new bizarros being written and I’ll have a copy of it within the next couple of weeks. I’ll be starting on it before bootcamp. Once I’m in Portland, I will be STEEPED in the bizarro movement. I will learn from established bizarro authors what it means to be that sort of thing. I’ll drink beer. I will most likely laugh until my sides hurt and think about stuff that I’ve never even considered. I will learn about marketing, promotion, and the business of being a writer.
I’ll learn from the masters of the genre what it takes to make it in the genre. And while I’m there, I’ll be using my own experience from not only going through a different sort of bootcamp, but from also being on the other side of bootcamp as an instructor, to help structure Bizarro Bootcamp for future recruits. I’ll be the dude that starts the stories about what bootcamp is like.
While I’m away at camp (and I could be completely wrong about this because I quite seriously do not know) I’m pretty sure I won’t have a great deal of time to promote and sell my book. So I’m going to need some rotten little sergeants to keep things going for me while I’m away. Thus, a contest. And the birth of our Rotten Little Army.
I’m gonna ask one more time for your help. I need some new recruits. This is because I have great news about our efforts so far. Last month, thanks to the success of RLA Day and YOUR support, 35 copies of Rotten Little Animals sold at Amazon. That’s the best month ever! What it means is, I only need to sell 45 more copies to reach my goal of 200 copies in a year. 45!
That’s forty-five new recruits. I’m hoping some sergeants will rise from our ranks and gather up some newbs to enlighten them to the Natural magic that is Rotten Little Animals. I need YOU.
I will reward you handsomely. At least, sorta cutely. Here’s what I propose: Whoever brings me the most new recruits gets a hand drawn, hand bound, hand signed, hand everything Rotten Little Animals Go To Bootcamp Coloring Book. I’m going to make three of them. I think ten or fifteen drawings for you to color. I’ll draw them up after I get out of boot and they’ll reflect my experiences there. But it’ll be your old pals from the book, up to some silly adventures and MISadventures. The three of you who help me sell those remaining forty-five copies will get one.
The contest starts now and ends on June 7th, the day after bootcamp ends for me.
I think it can work two ways–book sales and fans (or likers) for the Rotten Little Animals page. But it would have to be something like, ten fans equal one book sale. So, if you gather ten new fans for my page, it counts for selling one book.
How to keep track of this? Easy peasy.
When someone buys a book on Amazon, they get a receipt. They need only email you a copy of it and you send it to me. With any personal information removed, of course. kevin@shamelesscreations.com
Any new fans you gather, just keep track of their names and send me a list.
Does this sound fun? Fan gathering, book hawking, and in the end you get a coloring book about rotten little bizarro bootcampers and the satisfaction of knowing that I’ll be writing more books once those last forty-five of RLA are sold. Did I mention that I already have some crazy cool ideas? Did I mention I’m not writing them until I get these last books sold?
Anyone want to be my sergeants? Line ‘em up. Move ‘em out.
If you share this by clicking those facebook buttons and linking here and such, it’s a good way to start winning. I really hope someone decides to do this. I’ve been itching to create a coloring book for those rotten little bastards for a long time.
And forty-five more copies to launch me into my superstar world-dominating bizarro career! We can do it!!
Thank you all, for all you’ve done to get me here. It’s been a great ride. April showed me just how much you really do care and I feel your freaky love, each and every one of you. I love you, too.
For-waaaaard!
The book will look somethin’ like this only better and funny because I just drew this up in a couple of minutes so you know that the coloring book might be kinda cool. I’ll take my time, and be funny. Promise.
It’s been one hell of a month. We started this sucker with Rotten Little Animals Day, and I just ended it with quite a personal victory. Let me tell you, I’ve learned a few lifetimes worth of lessons this April. And I’ve got a lot of YOU to thank for the lessons about asking for help, about sharing gifts and imaginations, and about the love and support of people who can never be strangers to me again. I’ve had a great time this month, giving and receiving. I’m happy to say that April of Twenty-Ten has rocked my ass, my world, my book sales, and my soul.
RLA. This book is ON FIRE. I only need to sell fifty more copies to meet my goal of 200 Amazon sales in one year. That’s right! Fifty more. Who’dya know wants ta buy a book? Really. That’s only fifty more friends of friends. Fifty more people who get to share in the Natural wonder of it all. Can you believe it?! I can. Thank you, friends. Thank you for all you’ve done and continue to do to help me continue my path as a World Dominating Bizarro Writing Imagination Machine. I promise that as soon as these fifty copies are out the door, I’ll be writing more. And MORE. Do you want more? Cuz I’ve got ideas…
Rotten Little Animals will soon be published in the German language by Voodoo Press in Austria. I’m pretty-well attributing this to RLA Day, because I was approached by the publishers just after that. So again, thank you. Because of your help, that rotten little book will make its way to Austria, Germany, and Switzerland. Anyone in France wanna publish a book? Thank you, everyone, for making Rotten Little Animals international.
Here’s what I know: I’ll sell those copies, and I’ll do it quickly. I know that because I know that what I see for my future is what my future will be. I know that what I set my mind to is what I will create. And I’m creating a bright future filled with fiction. And you’re helping me create it. Thank you!!
Thank you to my wife, Terri Plewa. She’s been the key to my keeping on the attracting track. It’s her who’s been the level-head of our relationship. She’s the one who gives me ideas and helps me accomplish them. Thanks, Terri, for coming up with all the brilliant things you do to help my book be successful. Thank you especially for this month of loving me, understanding me, helping me move forward, supporting me, standing right beside me, even through flying bullshit. Thank you for everything you do, and for getting me through this very long Dark Night. Anyone who’d like to advance through this life with grace and prosperity might want to pay some attention to the brilliance that shines from my friend and wife. She’s got some great gifts, and she’s sharing them with everyone.
Thank you to everyone this month who has helped me to grow. This means you, mean woman next door. You’re certainly one of my best friends in the universe. You got me out of my house these past ten days and I explored Nature and reconnected, and felt better than I have in years. I now know some new places to go, and I’m going to get my fly rod fixed, get a fishing license, and catch some rainbows. I found the greatest bed and breakfast. I got to work with my friend Breezy on her farm. I regained my power as the divine ruler of my universe. I found support in my family and strengthened our love, plus I got to hang out with them in the mountains. I watched as lessons were prepared for me. I learned them. Thank you. Thank you, woman next door, for being my adversary, and for reminding me that I love you deeply for it. Thank you for helping me to grow.
Thank you, April. I’ve had a great, great month. You make me excited for May. (Bizarro Bootcamp comin’ up!)
Thank you, everyone. You’ve gotten me far along on my journey to kickin’ ass all over the literary world. If you stick with me, I’ll take us all on a ride. Fifty more copies and I’m home free. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Rotten Little Animals Day was a HUGE success! Thank you, everyone, for taking the time, money, and effort out of your day to help me out. I will always remember RLA Day as a huge showing of the support I have from all of you. I really, REALLY appreciate it. Thank YOU.
I don’t have an exact number on my sales yesterday, but I DO know that my sales rank reached an all-time low number. Out of the millions of books that Amazon carries, Rotten Little Animals reached 4200 in popularity. THAT is amazing. I woke up this morning, and it was still under 10,000. It’s at 12,000 right now. It’s usually in the hundreds of thousands. So it shows that we worked the algorithms right yesterday. Mission accomplished.
Word about Rotten Little Animals is spreading. THANK YOU. There are blog entries today about the book, and about promoting it online. Keep those coming, my friends.
The book has interest from all over the world right now. There are some interesting developments developing.
Please feel free to keep the momentum picking up. Tell people about the book, about the push, about ruling Amazon and making YOUR book rise through its ranks by doing the same sort of thing.
This is one shining success on my rise to cult author superstar status. I’m totally serious about continuing that rise, and totally serious about taking you all with me along that crazy trip. This is really just the beginning. There’s still zombie cat puppets running around here. There are questions unanswered. There are ties untied–like, what of Itsy’s brother?! There’s still ways to have fun with Rotten Little Animals. Still more things to do with it together, you and I. And then there shall be more…
THANK YOU all for making yesterday so successful. Thanks for coming with me.
It’s the day to go to Amazon and get a copy of Rotten Little Animals! It’s the day that we appreciate all of our rotten little animals. Give them love, give them a treat, read them a book! Read them MY book! What better way to celebrate the day?
The serious goal of this day can be found in the previous entry.
I’m trying to shake up some algorithmic love for my book. I’m trying to skyrocket into super-fame. I’m trying to get a BOOK DEAL!
Hi! The following note is long. I understand that you may not want to read it all right away. So here’s the gist of it:
Everything is great with Rotten Little Animals
I’m halfway to my goal
I need your help
Thank you!
Dear Friends,
It’s been almost 6 months since the launch of my first book, ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS. Most likely, if you are reading this, you have been a friend or a fan in some way, so THANK YOU. I greatly appreciate all the support, help, reviews, sales, and all the amazing people I have met through this experience. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
In the past six months, I’ve worked hard to promote ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS, and it’s really been making a difference. So far, I’ve sold over 100 copies on Amazon.com, roughly 40 more on my own, and a number of copies at different conventions. In the past year, I’ve attended Crypticon, BizarroCon, OryCon, and RadCon. Even more exciting is that people are LOVING it. I’ve gotten over 30 reviews at Amazon and rave reviews on my Rotten Little Puppet Show when people see it.
You may already know this, but ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS was published by Eraserhead Press as part of their New Bizarro Author Series. This series gives more new authors a chance to be published. Eraserhead wants to see how dedicated the new authors are, and if they can write books that sell and then actively sell those books. In order to be considered for a five-book deal with Eraserhead, one of the qualifications is that I need to sell a MINIMUM of 200 copies of ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS onAmazon.com in one year to prove I’ve got what it takes. With the current state of the publishing industry, becoming a cult sensation online, and specifically at Amazon, is one of the best ways to establish myself as an author.
As you can see, we are almost halfway through the year and I am about halfway to my goal of selling 200 copies on Amazon.com.
To kick off the second half of this year, I’m declaring April 5, 2010, ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS day. (No, I have absolutely no power to do this. I’m doing it anyway.) On April 5, 2010, ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS will be exactly 6 months old. With your help, I’d like to kick off the second half of the year in a big way, and hopefully easily and quickly make Eraserhead’s initial goal of 200 copies sold. You may ask, How can I help? If you do ask that, there are myriad ways that I’d greatly appreciate:
If you haven’t already, buy the book on or around April 5th on Amazon.com. (If we can get a number of people purchasing it on the same day, the Amazon algorithms could help to push ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS on to be advertised more by Amazon.)
If you already have a copy of the book, do you have weird friend(s) who might also enjoy a copy? You could purchase it for them or talk them into it.
Share this note on Facebook, your blog, or anywhere.
Post a link to ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS on Amazon.com on your Facebook or Myspace page. Include a glowing review.
Review ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS on Amazon.com and post that review to your page.
Do you have your own blog? Include a review of ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS on your blog, including the link to Amazon.com.
Do you have any contacts at radio shows, tv shows, or newspapers? I’d love to talk more about ROTTEN LITTLE ANIMALS and Bizarro in general in more venues. Hook me up.
Anything else you can think of to get the word out about my book is WIN!
Let me know what you’ve done so I can thank you personally.
It’s been a fabulous year of dreams coming true for me. Thank you so much for being here with me. But this is just the beginning. There’s still much to do in order for me to ensure my future as a professional author. I truly appreciate any and all help you can give.
Even when you write fiction, you can’t help but put some fact into your stories.
I’ve got a couple pieces of flash published online right now. Each of them has some truth to it.
The latest to hit the interwebz is, What Name Do I Give Her? It’s at Every Day Fiction today. That’s the reason for that book cover up there about rock and roll gals. My story has one. It’s an experimental bit (I like to do that with flash) as far as style goes. See if you can tell what I mean. It’s got a lot of me in it, but not enough to make me completely crazy. Please feel free to leave a comment there, and click a star to vote. I like to show the literary folk there some bizarro fandom. Every bit of support helps.
Last week, The New Flesh published my story, Hunting J.K. It’s a joke! No one get mad at me. But even as such, it was inspired by my own little wizard wanna-be running around in a cape while I tried to write an entirely different story.
Two pieces of flash fiction in a couple of weeks, each with a rather large chunk of reality inside.
It must be some unconscious survival mechanism for my psyche. I do what I can to keep myself happy.
Christy Leigh Stewart, who is amazingly creative, hilarious, and all around awesome, made a video review of Rotten Little Animals today. I LOVE it. It’s hilarious. You should check this out. It’s pretty much a TRAILER for it as well as a review. Thank you, Christy!!
