Shameless Creations

My new book is out and available. This pleases me greatly. I’d be super greatly pleased if everyone who reads it is as pleased as I am about writing it.

Beside being an actual novel, which is what I set about as a goal to complete when I was just a wee lad, it’s a special book for me. It pretty much signifies a year of growth for me. I’ve been through super hell while this book was being born and I attained super bliss right about the time it came into the world. This book means more to me than the stories inside of it, because of the stories outside it–all of them super, whether villainous or heroic. I like the complimentary aspects of real life and the various storylines in Island of the Super People. It’s like we’re all the super people, and we’re all the anthropologists studying them. We’re even the evil military trying to fucking wreck everything. The day is always saved, no matter how weird and ruined it might seem in the midst of the battle. Plus, there’s likely to be pink bunnies.

Excelsior!

Here’s reasons why I want people to buy my book.

1. This is my first novel. It’s a big deal to me that I wrote it. Especially since I wrote most of it in about five days.

2. I’m a starving artist. (It’s true. And I hardly need anything to keep me alive as it is. Mostly coffee.)

3. I wrote this book at Bizarro Bootcamp. It was an intensive writing workshop, that really taught me how to write, and how to write bizarro. This book took as long to become a book as it did for me to settle into my new life as a professional writer and editor for Eraserhead Press. It sorta signifies my journey, while the story itself is the convergence of several life-stories involving growth and realization of potential.

4. I like entertaining people, and I want to do that to as wide an audience as possible.

Here’s reasons why people might want to buy this book:

1. It’s fun.

2. It’s about super people, in a way that you’ve never seen super people before. Brainstorming the outline of this book and editing it with the crew of EHP brought out some way awesome ideas. Things we WISHED we saw in comics and movies and books. Weird stuff that mixes a primitive culture with a super one. (Their suits, for instance… and speech bubbles… and nudity!)

3. It’s my first novel!

4. It has a villain in it named, Death Killer, and he’s the baddest super villain that has ever existed. He has protruding spinal spikes, fire-shooting horns, glowing red eyes, every super power you can imagine, AND he’s an artist.

5. The people who’ve read it think that it’s a pretty good book. (I’ve even heard them say, super. Okay, enough of that dumb pun.)

Here’s a link to it: Island of the Super People

Anyway, I’m really excited that this book has been born. I want to see it walk, run, and fly.

Thank you, to everyone out there for supporting me in fulfilling my dream.

I hope you have as much fun being a part of it as I am.

Please check out my FIRST NOVEL! And if you’re so inclined, tell people about it. That’d be super. (I know, I did it again.)

Thanks for reading!

My story, Tethered, is up at Every Day Fiction today. It was inspired by the painting above of speculated life on Jupiter. This is from a National Geographic book called, Our Universe, that was published when I was a kid. I loved this book so much. This particular image has stayed with me for a very long time. I want to say that Carl Sagan is the one who talked about these Gasbags that could live in Jupiter’s atmosphere, but I don’t remember.

I finally wrote a story from the lingering inspiration this image has left in me. The creatures in it aren’t quite the same, but similar enough that I recognized from where my idea came. The story itself is about people, however they appear and on whatever world. It’s about our fear of the unknown and our braveness in the face of it.

I hope the link works. I’m writing this on April 1st. Mercury is retrograde, and it’s April Fool’s day. I’m relying on technology to make this all work out, as I will be in a place with no internet access when the story is published, working on my new book. Here’s to technology, and being brave about everything working out just fine.

Please “LIKE” my story (there’s a button to do so) if you like it. It’ll be passed around the interwebz that way, and maybe a million people will read it, and be inspired and fearless. You can comment on the bottom of the story, too. And click stars to vote on how much you liked it–five being best. Or you can do none of that, and just read it. I truly appreciate you doing any of the above.

Thanks for reading!

I just found this short video with Carl Sagan talking about floaters, hunters, and sinkers living on a gas giant. It was him.  Ahh… inspiration + the internet = satisfaction. Cosmos Episode About Weird Life on Weird Planets

Help me write a book and get yourself some sexy drawings!

That’s right, I’m writing another one. I’ve been invited to attend a three-day writing marathon getaway at the Sylvia Beach Hotel in Nye Beach, Oregon with the Eraserhead Press crew at the beginning of April. Many books will be written in those three days, and at least one of them will be about PORN.

I will be writing the latest insane thing to cross my mind—Porn Land.

As you can imagine, it will be filled with sex. Over-the-top, ridiculous sex. It has love stories amid orgies, parodies, and vintage superstars, a supreme villain towering above school girls and hardcore Samurai,  unwitting heroes bogged down among triplets, retro-macho men, and  the Panocha Banditas, with plenty of action. And I mean action. Also, sex magick.

But what about you? Why do I need your assistance and what will be your friendly reward for lending a hand? I need help renting a room at this most excellent hotel for writers so all this sexiness can come to life. I’ll be in the Tennessee Williams room (steamy). I’ve come up with a plan to help accomplish this that some of you may find worthwhile.

I’m asking for hotel money. And I have incentives! Here’s my deal:

$10 gets you a drawing (by me) of a sexy scene from the book on a piece of drawing paper that you can hide in a box and take out when no one is home but you.

$20 will land you one of those drawings inside the cover of a signed copy of the book when it’s published.

For all you rich folk out there, if you give me $30 or more, I will send you a signed, sexy-drawn-in book where YOU appear as a PORN STAR. That’s right. Your name will be used as one of the many porn stars in the book—because in this book, just about everyone is a porn star.

So if you can, please help me achieve this very sexy dream. I think it’ll be fun for all of us. Thank you! Oh, and if you know anyone else who might be interested in this sort of thing, feel free to share this anywhere. And if you’re not interested in this sort of thing (what, are you crazy?! It’s PORN!!), feel free to ignore all this talk of steamy, hot, naked people. Great days to all of you.

My PayPal address is: kevin@shamelesscreations.com Please include your shipping address and any other notes you may want—like if you want me to use your actual porn star name or only your first name, or your animal friend’s name or something.

Thanks again!

I spent ten years becoming a professional writer. My skills have been honed for that. Skillset = Writing (and all that crap I did for twenty years before I settled down to just that).

I’m finding my search for a job to be challenging.

One of the hardest things about looking for work is my highly-tuned writer’s imagination. I can put myself into those positions for which I AM qualified, and I really don’t like myself there. Mostly I don’t qualify for employment, but when I do, my picture of it is a bit dismal.

What I really wish is that I could get one of the cooler sounding jobs without being some expert or joining the military. The Army jobs around here are the coolest. Like, Wheeled Tracked Army Vehicle Field Studies Analyst, Furnishing Management Assistant, Knowledge Management Officer… I could do all those. But I’m not in the stupid Arrrrrrrmy. And there are other really cool sounding jobs for civilians who’ve gone to school for very specific things for a very long time that I’d like to do without dealing with all that schooling crap: Bridge Designer (cool!), Controller (I can control things), Private Banker…

And there’s other jobs that seem cool at first, but turn out to suck: Full-Time Sitter (I sit all day sometimes, but they want someone to watch their children), Adult Services Librarian (not a thing to do with porn!), Front Desk Manager (which has nothing to do with managing desks, but everything to do with managing people).

I want a job as a writer, please.

But I’d settle for janitor, mail-room lackey, stocking dude (not stalking, sheesh!), or LITERAL full-time sitter.

I do love a challenge, but I’d also love a job.

I am still holding out for Rotten Little Animals to make me the Hasselhoff of Bizarro when it hits the German public this week…

That’s right, those rotten little rats, chickens, cats, bats, dogs, pigs, birds and zombie cats have invaded Austria, Germany, and Switzerland. If German is your language, then this one’s for you.

I would like to thank Voodoo Press for all they’ve done to release this book in those countries, and to Lars Maria Maly for the brilliant cover art. Doesn’t Stinkin’ Rat look creepy? I love it.

RLA hits Europe. I am stoked.

(click the pic to take you to the purchase page!)

Carlton Mellick III has compiled a book of bizarro Christmas stories for the Season. I’m not sure of the exact lineup of authors, but I DO know that there’s a lot of my personal favorite authors in there–people like Jeff Burk, Cameron Pierce, Jordan Krall…. And my story, Christmas Crabs, is in it!

I’ll post more news about it when it comes out. Merry XMAS!

Just in time for the Christmas anthology frenzy, two new titles to rock your ass off. And I’ve got stories in both of them! Yay, me.

Toe Tags II–Blood & Bizarro (edited by William Pauley III and Brian Barnett), has tons of awesome writers in it– Brian Barnett, William Pauley III, Andersen Prunty, Jordan Krall, David W Barbee, Steve Lowe, Laura Eno, Jodi MacArthur, Suzie Bradshaw… one from me…  I’m very happy, actually, that my story found a home in this one. I wrote it when I was a teenager, and I’ve been saving it. Check out, Shea, for some trippy 80s freak-out fright. (not that it’s got 80s crap in it, it’s just when it was written.) Click the pic and it’ll take you to Toe Tags II’s Amazon page.

And I’ve got a creepy parasitic “psychic” story in Houdini Gut Punch–edited by Jonathan Moon. My story, Salami Rhett, is sharing company with tales from brilliant authors like, Cameron Pierce, Jordan Krall, Mr. Moon himself, Garrett Cook, Nick Cato, and lots more. This has got to be SICK–perfect stuff for a scary fuckin’ Xmas. Click the pic to get it!

This is what I’m thankful for today–being in two twisted books with some simply awesome authors. Read these stories, and you’ll be thankful, too.

Save a turkey–buy a book! (it really doesn’t save any turkeys)

Many of you may not know that I sell t-shirts. Well, shirts, mousepads, coffee mugs, and other little trinkets that can be printed on. I’ve had a shop for six years at Cafepress.

I’ve had some crazy times with that. George Lucas shut me down for having a shirt that said, “If lightsabers were real, you’d cut off your hand.” Battlestar Galactica says that THEY own the copyright to the Ancient Greek, “cylon”. So they sued me to take down my shirt that said, “I might be a Cylon.” (it was my best seller of all time). I met a group of people in the forum, and we were promptly kicked out for having too much fun. Some yahoo tried to tell me that he’d copyrighted, “Don’t Heart” and its symbol, which he came up with three years after me. I told him to take a leap. I made up, “My red hair gives me superpowers.” And people stole the hell out of that and spread it around everywhere. There were good times, and insane times. And now, just cheap times.

I’m closing that shop down. Why? Cafepress changed. They routed sales through their marketplace and started ripping-off the shop owners by marking things up the way THEY want. I used to make about a hundred bucks a month. Now I make about five. I don’t want to support a bunch of jerks who are exploiting my wit and art for THEIR benefit. I want to exploit my own wit and art like I used to.

So I’m having a big blowout sale. I’m taking everything down 50% of its original markup for the rest of this month. And then I’m closing down my shop for EVOR EVOR EVOR…

From now until November. It’s a long, silly sale.

This will be the last time you can pick up a mug with my Pollo Loco on it, the last time you can get, “If I were a monkey, I’d throw poop at you.” shirts. The final few days that my shameless butt will be on mousepads, or you can see some super weird animal and people cartoons about refried beanbags, Jesus making bread that tastes like shit, squirrels fighting hurricanes with shovels, and lots of other strange things. There’s Mormon swears. Mandalas. Vintage photo art. And more. Much, much more.

But you have to go through my store to get the discount. You can’t go to their ridiculous marketplace because they’ll rip you AND me off. So hit up this link: Shameless Humor and you’ll be into a whole mess of weirdness for half of what it used to cost.

Shameless Humor is going out of business.

Take advantage of me. AND stupid Cafepress.

We all live in our own worlds that overlap each others. We are circles laying slightly over each other, our edges making vesica piscis which are our shared existences. Space between us. Voids.  Something to fill with what makes us intimate.

Relationships are extensions of our selves.

But no matter how close of attention we think we pay, we never know what’s going on in someone else’s world. Because we really only ever know that part that we share. Our overlap. There’s the whole rest of their circle that is a mystery.

I’ve been learning about that lately. That even if you have an open, honest relationship with someone and you think you know exactly where you stand with them, they can come at you from out of nowhere with something you had no idea was even a factor. Everything about your relationship can change in a matter of one sentence. One expressed notion that one person in the partnership had no idea existed in the realm of possibility can turn a friendship or romance on its head.

So what happens when your friend changes things by telling you what’s on his or her mind? What do you do with the truth when it doesn’t include what you expected? What do you do when you learn there are new truths between you? When you learn that you’re not so special, or that you just don’t fit into their future? What happens when it turns out that your vesica piscis isn’t all filled with roses and rainbows?

If you’re me, you spend a few days anguishing over what is ruined and what will never now be.

And then you stop that shit.

You realize that its YOUR world in which you live. That no one’s emotions need dictate yours. That you are free. That YOU have the rest of your circle, too. You discover that maybe you’ve allowed yourself to forget the rest of you, that maybe you’ve not been living wholly as you–because how could you if you’re living at all to please someone else? You discover lightness, and truth in your strong heart. You learn that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you, especially someone who’s ideas have changed about how you fit into their world. If you’re at all like me, you decide that anyone who wants to be part of your world will be, and anyone who doesn’t has all the right in your world to not. No matter how much you love them. That the overlap you share is just one small part of who you are, and that if they’re done sharing that, it’s not the end of you. It leaves space for another circle to fill. It might create a void, but voids are invitations.

And if you love someone and want to share worlds, then sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and your world and lay claim to the fact that you are the ruler of your universe. You have to sometimes demand respect. But you have to be willing to give it all back, especially if you make demands. You have to come at your mutual existence with love and honesty.

If you have a void, fill it with love.

If the space you create by sharing your world with someone’s isn’t what you want it to be, remember that part of it is made of you. Stand up and be pure. Ask your friend to do the same. And if it doesn’t work, you are always still your own complete circle.

That’s what I’ve been learning.

Thanks for reading.